Punishment is considered effective if the parents or the mentor are able to use it to adjust the actions of the child and form the desired behavior. Any disciplinary action should be focused on creating order and forming positive moral qualities of character. Despite the fact that you can correct behavior in different ways, some strategies have proven effective compared to others. Therefore, it is important to learn how to effectively punish your children.
Parents are still divided into two camps. Some say they were beaten, but nothing bad happened. Others argue that even a slap or slap is unacceptable
In recent years, it has become especially common to talk about physical punishment of children. This is connected not only with the fashion for detocentrism in developed countries, but also with the studies of psychologists who provide compelling arguments against the use of force.
Parents are still divided into two camps. Some say they were beaten, but nothing bad happened. Others argue that even a slap or slap is unacceptable.
Physical punishment of children: what the assault says
Let's start with the main thing: the use of force is not about education, but about domination. Adults thus suppress children, subjugate their power, and humiliate them in order to achieve humility and obedience. Often through the nape of the head, parents express their own negative emotions, which they can’t restrain. Most often, young children are beaten. They are not able to adequately respond to aggression, so they obey the will of a stronger adult.
If the physical punishment of children has already become a “family tradition”, then they simply get used to violence, suffer, but continue to do what is forbidden. Parents use even more cruel methods. There is more violence, and obedience, as it was not, never will be. Therefore, assault is a meaningless method. The only thing that can be brought up with his help is the desire to grow and take revenge.
Why parents resort to violence in parenting
Parents quickly realize that physical punishment does not produce the desired effect. Why do they continue to beat the children? For several reasons:
- "Bad heredity." On their own children, the parents who were beaten by their mothers and fathers express their grievances. Domestic violence is already perceived as the only correct method of education.
- Lack of desire to engage in children. Instead of long persuasions and explanations, intimate conversations, joint games, many parents prefer slaps. It is easier and faster.
- Parental incompetence. Often, adults simply do not know how to influence a child if he does not obey. Self-education in this matter is a long and complicated process, and violence is easier.
- Self-affirmation of parents. People who have to deal with pressure and humiliation can be cruel to their own children in order to vent anger on those who are not able to fight back.
Separately, it is worth mentioning mentally unhealthy parents who need medical attention. Due to the suffering of children, such people receive moral satisfaction. Someone else's pain eases their own.
Negative consequences of physical punishment of children
There is no benefit from the assault, but the harm can be huge:
- Neurosis. Constant fear undermines the child’s nervous system. This inevitably affects self-esteem, future career.
- Problems communicating with peers. The lowered position in the family does not allow the child to build a full-fledged relationship with peers and make friends.
- Developmental delay. Often there are problems with physical and mental health, difficulties with the development of speech, concentration of attention.
- Future parental cruelty. 9/10 children who were brought up with the help of assault, then they also treat their own children.
- Poor school performance. Increased anxiety is not in vain. The fear of a low score and the punishment for it is so strong that a child cannot learn and get along well with teachers, classmates.
- Problems in adolescence. If children are beaten, then, growing up, they often try to escape from the family. Hence bad companies, early experiences with alcohol and drugs, suicides.
There is one more point that parents should not forget about. Children who are beaten become secretive, try not to let adults into their inner world. Growing up, they finally move away and cannot become a full-fledged support for aged parents. There is a high probability of lonely old age or even problems from adult children.
You can’t beat, but what to do then: advice from psychologists
To begin with, it’s worth understanding that physical punishment is unacceptable. But there is another extreme - permissiveness and complete absence of punishments. The right methods of upbringing are between these poles:
- Use promotion. Always find out what you love, what your child dreams of. This will help reward him for good behavior.
- Use hobbies to switch attention. Knowing what your child likes, you can easily switch his attention from conflict to your favorite game, book or other interesting activity.
- Be consistent. There should be bans, and it is important for parents to learn not to change decisions under the influence of children's persuasion and tears. Inconsistency in education is unacceptable.
- Use “deprivation” as punishment. Having not received a favorite toy or entertainment, the child realizes that he has been punished.
- Always explain to the child what he is wrong about. When punishing, make sure that the child understands his mistake, and knows what he should have done.
There are situations when parents can hardly restrain their anger, because the stubbornness of children can infuriate anyone. Learn control techniques. This will help in raising a child much more than flip flops.
The main thing about the consequences of physical punishment for children
Refrain if you really want to hit a naughty child. Physical punishment of children can have serious negative consequences:
- Neurotic disorders that affect your studies, future careers and personal life.
- Delays in development - both physical and emotional.
- Problems communicating with peers, classmates, teachers.
- Early experiments with alcohol, drugs, suicides.
Learn and use humane methods of education. Love your children, hug more often, speak affectionate words. Become their source of heat, protection and support.
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